Ground Rules to Set Before Moving In With Your Lady

1) There will be no eating at a dinner table. The dining-room table will continue to be used for the mail and eating will continue in front of the TV.

2) Shaving of my back will commence once-a-month with a one day advance notice. 

3) Do not yell at me if the door is unlocked since my dream is to have someone attempt to come in and rob the place so that I can murder someone and tell my friends what's it like to kill somebody. 

4) Anything that needs a phone-call like a discrepancy on a bill or a part isn't working on a grill that was just bought expect tons of yelling and cursing.

and last but not least...

5) There will be no pooping in the bathroom...Tell her this as you're taking a poop with the door open. 

Finger-Blasting

I kind if like when I was younger and had no idea how the Toit worked. Not that I know much more than I did when I first put my adolescent finger up a girl's 'coter,' but I liked it. 

And I thought I was good. I thought, 'Get as many fingers up there as you can and ram them in and out in a drilling-like motion' and that will make the girl love you.' I've since learned as most guys have that that might not be the best way to 'BLAST.'

It was fun though wasn't it? I'd be walking around telling everyone I got four-fingers up some girl's snatch. It took forever to find the hole too. All that hair and shit. I didn't know what was going on. I could be fingering her ass for all I know. 

I think I'm going to try and bring back the old-school 'Finger-Blast' and see the reaction. Wish me luck. 

Different Location for Gangsters to Meet

I think it would increase productivity with Gangsters if they chose different locations to meet at besides Bars and Strip-Clubs. I'm only speaking for myself and I haven't done much business in bars or strip clubs unless you're talking Monkey-Business (that was terrible) but I think there might be way too many distractions. 

If you know any gangsters please don't tell them this as I don't want to get shot. 

Boost Mobile

'I don't get it. I got a great deal but for some reason my new Boost Mobile cell phone doesn't seem to be working.'

I'll tell you why...You got a Boost Mobile Cell Phone Plan that caters to the 'urban' audience that  has three towers in South Dakota. That might be why it's so cheap. 

Lamborghini Owners

I'm pretty sure that I would not get along with anyone who owns a Lamborghini. 

Toolkits

It looks great. However, I can only use it once because once I take the tools out I have no idea how to put them back because I've already thrown the directions away and I won't be able to close it which will result in me tossing it...and buying another one that's bigger. 

iSnort

If I got this application I'd probably immediately start texting jibberish at a rapid pace and then run into the bathroom to open the application again and drop the phone in the toilet and call the iphone dealer to get more. 

www.theisnort.com/isnort.html

The Gotti Kids

I have so many things to say but I think the picture is enough. 

Tyra Banks has a stalker

I don't know the details but I do know that Tyra Banks has a stalker and has to now go to court to face Tyra as she's appearing in court to testify against him.

This guy is fucking brilliant. He actually found a way to meet her in person. I hope he jumps for those cans in the court room. 

One time I got busted for a fake ID in college and when the cashier took it I tried to grab it out of her hands. When I appeared in court the cashier tried to tell the judge that I was trying to grab her breasts and she was going to sue me for sexual-harassment. The judge looked at this Rite Aid, cashier cunt and just laughed in her face and dropped the charge. 

I've been stalking her for almost thirteen years now. Hello Charmane. God I miss you. 

Stewardesses & Stewards

Every time I fly I always think to myself, 'where do they find these people?' Referring to the help on the airplane. I'm always shocked at the hideousness of the stewardesses looks. Am I being superficial? Fuck yeah. 

Most recently I was on a flight with a Stewardess who was pushing '70 and some other one who was weighing in at an easy deuce-and-a-half.  The other two were Stewards. I actually get where these guys head's are. They literally go from city to city having hot, sweaty, man sex and then they get to leave. I would do that shit if I was gay. I'd really be whoring it up. 

But I'm not (not that there is anything wrong with that), so I always hope that once, just once there could be a stewardess that I could fantasize about when I'm trying to sleep in my tiny little, airplane seat. 

When you get down to it flying is really a great way to see how ugly this country is. Rarely have I ever flown on a flight with even an attractive passenger. 

Maybe I need to just start traveling first-class although word is first-class is really code for, I'm way too fat to sit in that economy seat.