Good Blackouts & Bad Blackouts

I might be reaching when I say that there are such thing as a good black out, but when you’re the kind of guy who likes to let their hair down to the point of ‘losing time,’ regularly then you have to have some sort of black out barometer.
We all know what a bad black out is. A bad black out is when you wake up in a foreign land and have no idea who you got there. This could be as simple as a friend’s couch. It could also mean next to some homely-pig with a condom wrapper on the nightstand (ha ha, I’m obviously kidding about the condom). Or, in a dumpster, in jail, or literally a foreign land.
You’ve probably lost your wallet and your cell phone. If you have your cell phone it’s filled with drunk texts and tons of voicemails from people calling you before you woke up to make sure that you are okay and to let you know all the awful things that you did the night before. It’s best to delete all of these without reading or listening to them. The last thing that you want to do is actually learn what a doucher you are when you under the influence. I say delete then move on. Onward and upward.
A good black out is when you wake up in your own bed. You haven’t peed it. You have your wallet and your phone and there are no weird, creepy texts to ex girlfriends and no voicemails. Before you can go back to bed you need to follow through with one more task to ensure that it was a good black out.
You call the guy that you were with the night before. When you call and he answers you say something like, “that was a bloodbath last night.” You then wait for his response. If it’s an immediate laugh then all is good. If there’s any pause and a hint of a fake laugh then you might have done something stupid. Regardless, you need to take the extra step. You need to come clean and tell him that you blacked out. If his response is, “really? I didn’t know that you were that drunk.” Then you’re good to go. If the response is, “no shit,” then it’s best to say you have another call, hang up and curl up in your bed for three days with your cell phone off till you’re ready to face the world again.
Keep in mind though. The guy who is telling you that you were fine the night before might just be saying that because he’s worried that if he told you what you actually did, then you wouldn’t hang out anymore with him because you might consider to quit drinking.
I know…I just blew your mind.